The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
