I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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