i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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