Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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