I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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