You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
