i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
