my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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