So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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