Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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