"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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