So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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