I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
