While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize