I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is this like a preordered booty call?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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