At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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