she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
