It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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