i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize