You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
