I'm lost and stupid without you.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
