last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
