Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drunk is a universal language darling
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
