I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
