Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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