Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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