Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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