also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am available for nakedness
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
