I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
