Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
