don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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