pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
