First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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