He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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