someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
