I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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