I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize