tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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