can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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