She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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