Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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