Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
