he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
