I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
