Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
