my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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