Umm I'm too high to move.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
