If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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