Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
