I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He better not be in your backpack
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
