I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
