It's Friday. Sex?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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