I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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