i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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