i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
