i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
