my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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