Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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