I look better un-naked...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
