No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
