kristin has been a bad kristin
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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