he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
