Umm I'm too high to move.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
