Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
