u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
