I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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