i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
