My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
